My abortion went so “perfectly” that I could have been the poster woman for the pro-choice movement.
My abortion was just as easy as the pro-choice movement advertises.
But as I’ve learned, that’s certainly not the case for all women. Many post-abortive women struggle with:
Why don’t we tell women the risks to their mental health before they choose?
Why don’t we tell Christian women the risks to their souls before they choose?
I was okay right up until my baby died. I remember exactly when she left me because I could feel my face fall. I wasn’t okay anymore. Whatever joy I had left was sucked out of me right along with my baby, and I have been fighting to get it back ever since.
That’s when I became the walking dead. Abortion didn’t just murder my baby, it drained life from my soul—and I didn’t even realize it.
Of the women who are aborting, 36% go to church at least once per month (“Study Notes of Women Who Have Had an Abortion & Their Views on Church”). It doesn’t matter which denomination—from Catholic to Evangelical. Abortions have been had by women in your church—some before the women knew Christ and some afterward.
Before scheduling a meeting with your pastor or priest, remember that as a member of The Church, you are as much of the solution to our society’s ills as the leaders of your local church. What solution are you going to propose to your pastor or priest? Are you willing to lead the ministry work?
After I was completely healed from my abortion, I asked God what happened to me spiritually. I knew there were no stories of abortion in the Bible, but I asked Him if there were a story that explained the spiritual consequences of my abortion. He led me to King David’s murder of Bathsheba’s husband Uriah.
You are probably familiar with David and Bathsheba’s story, but let me give you a quick summary.
David stayed home when he should’ve been in battle (2 Samuel 11:1). He sent all his men to war, including Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah (2 Samuel 11:3, 23:39; 1 Chronicles 11:26, 41). While at home, David used his kingly power to have sex with Uriah’s wife (2 Samuel 11:2-5).
What we don’t know is whether David and Bathsheba “had eyes for each other” before the adultery or whether she had sex with him because he was the king and reasoned that she couldn’t say “no.” However, there are two indications that the latter is more likely true.
First, Bathsheba is referred to as “woman” and “Uriah’s wife” all through Second Samuel Chapter 11, which tells the story of infidelity and murder, leaving David as the focus of the story. We don’t learn her name until Chapter 12 verse 24 when David is consoling her after their baby dies.
Second, Bathsheba’s grandfather (2 Samuel 23:34; 11:3), who was David’s counselor (2 Samuel 15:12), later conspired against David (2 Samuel 23:34; 11:3; 15:12, 31). Therefore, I lean toward kingly pressure that today we call rape.
Whichever the case, the king is responsible for following the law of the land (Deuteronomy 17:18-20), which prohibits adultery.
David tries to cover up his adultery by tricking Uriah into having sex with his wife. But Uriah is a man of higher character than David and won’t sleep with his wife when he should be away at war (2 Samuel 11:6-13). So David had Uriah killed to cover up his sin (2 Samuel 11:14-17).
David broke two commandments—adultery (Exodus 20:14;
Deuteronomy 5:18) and murder (Exodus 20:13; Deuteronomy 5:17)—both of which had
legal consequences of capital punishment (Leviticus 20:10; 24:17).
Today in the United States, you might expect a rich man to offer his mistress money for an abortion or even pressure her into having an abortion.
But that’s not what David does. David could have sent Bathsheba to another nation to have the baby killed in utero using potions or to give birth and then have the boy sacrificed to Baal.
But David didn’t do that. Why not? Because the Hebrews valued babies.
The Hebrews valued their family lines—their genealogies and their offspring. You have probably encountered lists of family genealogies in the Bible and rolled your eyes at trying to pronounce all those ancient names! Family lines of
We’re only at the ninth book out of 66, and we haven’t even gotten to Jesus’ genealogy through Joseph (Matthew 1:1-17) or through Mary (Luke 3:23-38).
But the reason the genealogies are listed is because families and family lines are important to God. The Hebrews knew that. Therefore, preserving their own family line was important to them.
We also know that Hebrews valued children by how women reacted to not being able to have children:
So when people say to you, “The Bible doesn’t talk about abortion.” You could respond by saying, “That’s because the Hebrews valued children.”
Despite David’s efforts to cover up his sin, the fighting men seem to have figured out that David had Uriah killed given that Bathsheba’s father was one of the mighty men (2 Samuel 23:34; 11:3) and that her grandfather Ahithophel later conspired against David (2 Samuel 15:31).
Certainly, those working in David’s palace knew that David got Bathsheba pregnant (2 Samuel 11:3-4) and tried to fool Uriah (2 Samuel 11:8-10, 13). Perhaps all the people in Jerusalem figured out David’s sins (because not all rumors are false) but were afraid to say anything. We don’t know.
Until Nathan confronts David, the king thinks he has gotten away with his sins of extra-marital sex and murder (2 Samuel 11:27).
After Nathan explains things, David immediately takes responsibility and confesses his sin (2 Samuel 12:1-13).
As you know, David sang nearly half the Psalms. I say sang because psalm means song. Did he write them before he sang them, or did he sing them and then write them down? We don’t know.
But after he takes responsibility for what he did, David goes into the Tent of Meeting and sings his confession, as recorded in Psalm 51. He also sings Psalm 32.
In Psalm 32, David elegantly described what happened while he had unconfessed sin of extra-marital sex and murder:
When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through
my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever
heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to You and my iniquity I did not hide. I
said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord”; and You forgave the guilt
of my sin.
(Psalm 32:3-5 NASB, emphasis mine)
From Psalms 32 and 51, we learn what happens when we murder and commit adultery:
Like King David, once we have confessed, we can feel the Holy Spirit within us, and perhaps then other people will see that we have more fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).
After studying Psalms 32 and 51, I understood what happened to me: My vitality was drained away. That’s why I described myself as the walking dead. My joy was sucked away. That was the spiritual effect of my abortion.
I wanted to feel the joy of my salvation, but I couldn’t until I took responsibility for my sins then confessed and forgave.
I have shared this revelation with other post-abortive women who have said, “Yes, that’s exactly it.”
So, even with my “perfect” abortion, I was the walking dead. That means that 1 out of 4 women are walking around the USA dead inside—until they reconcile with Christ.
So we lose the babies and their mothers—and potentially their fathers, grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts, family friends: anyone who pressured or coerced or convinced the woman to abort.
Many women will not just disagree with me but outright tell me I’m wrong (or yell at me), saying that abortion has not drained anything from them. But their eyes, their voices, and their lives tell me otherwise.
I keep them in my heart as I approach the throne of grace, asking my Lord to soften their hearts to His agape love. I look forward to the day that they, too, are free from satan’s lies. For certainly since God forgave King David and still called him a man after God's own heart (Acts 13:22), He will forgive post-abortive women, too.